Elizabeth Leo

All Things Equal

-For every action there is an equal
if not greater
reaction
with-hold or stunt this reaction
and we cease to grow
and we will feel it
the pressure
we will feel it in the weather and the oceans
and we will cease to grow- unknown

He was grown up where I was a child
He was content where I was envious and keeping
He was quiet with a mind where I was loud and had
nothing to say
Was the word of god
Was the universe personified
Was the lopsided little light I would lie next to

and so you see
I had to kill him.
It was the only logical thing to do.

while everyone said “do it do it do it do it do it”
I was the one
who held the gun

and “for every action”

he was my friend
my brother
and he never remembered my middle name

I was the on who had nothing to say
I was the one who walked the walk
but I could never have talked his talk
I hid
and I hid and lost myself and found myself and lost myself again

he sat on the sidelines and he cheered me on
while I broke hearts and killed myself
and wrote bad poetry, like I am now
I was the one who sat still while I moved in circles
he knew better than me…
Better than me.

I would ground my feet in him
the dirt of his face
would be my stepping stone
to get me back on my feet

and so you see
I had to kill him.
It was the only logical thing to do.

and moves the way these words would move across this page
he moves across this page
I am stuck with a brilliant little hangnail
that hurts my eyes to look at
and hurts my thumb to touch
and it won’t ever go away

to balance things now, to … judge things now
between what I had before and what I have left myself
with

logic comes in waves of “yeah, yeah exactly”
and then it moves on to leave you
because none of us has any idea
and I will laugh in your face when you say you do.

So in the end
I sit
I sit right down. I sit right down and don’t move.
with an sweater on of quiet self reproach
because logic swept the shore and left
simply broken shells of some sort of memory I can’t
remember

he was my excuse you see
and so I had to kill him.

And I am gonna track down logic in new jersey
and kick it right in the shins.